Reflection

Today I'm going to replay March 29, 2004. For myself, but mostly to revisit how the hand of God was on us from the beginning.
We had been visiting our pediatrician for about 2 weeks as Eric had an enlarged lymph node in his collar bone area. Plus he'd had what I thought were season allergy symptoms that he got every year, breathing labored, congested, tired, etc. Dr Lovell had ruled out TB, cat scratch fever, all the "normal" stuff. This was a Monday. The next day we were scheduled to see a pediatric surgeon to remove the lymph node, but first he wanted us to get a chest x-ray. After the x-ray we went on to Wal-Mart and my cell phone rang and it was Dr Lovell. "Jan, I have some bad news, the chest x-ray shows a tumor in Eric's chest, I need you to go to Arkansas children's hospital tonight. Call me back in 30 minutes and I'll have the arrangements made for you." Eric is in the cart and I'm trying to keep it together.......he could tell by the look on my face something was wrong, "Mom, who was that?" I don't remember what I told him. Instead, we headed for the LEGOS as I knew we needed a distraction, and I mean NOW! So I bought him a big, nice LEGO I wouldn't normally have bought, but, hey, given the news who wouldn't have? I called Doug at work and told him to stay there we were on our way. I couldn't say much as Eric is very perceptive and picks up on everything. Doug met us at the door and I told him to take Eric in to see the airplanes as I needed to make a phone call. I called Dr Lovell back and he said we were to be a direct admit through the ER and they would be expecting us, and it was probably lymphoma or leukemia. I wrote it down on a piece of paper (that I still have). Then he said, I want to pray for you...........he's just THE best! Then I called my mom.....that's when I lost it! She and dad were on their way immediately. Eric, not one to be put off when he know's something is going on came back to the door with dad. I handed the piece of paper to Doug and that's how he was told his son had cancer. His co-worker and friend Trey was also there and Doug just handed him the paper. Now we had to tell Eric. We sat him down on the car and I said, "Eric, you know how you've been having trouble breathing? Well, there's something in your body that's not supposed to be there and we have to go to Little Rock to the children's hospital so they can figure out what it is and make it better. He lost it, I lost it, Doug lost it. We prayed and Eric and I headed home first. We got just down the road and he started sobbing again, the I can't talk, slobber, snaught running out of you kind. "Mom, why did this have to happen to me, I just want to go home, do we have to go, why did God let this happen?" This went on all the way home and of course I'm trying to see the road and console him, not to mention my heart is just ripping out of my chest. We got home and I called my manager, and Miss Cathy, Eric's first grade teacher. She just said, "I'm on my way". What a god send she was. Then I called my friend Kelly from the church. She called the elder on call who just "happend" to be a friend also. Doug got home and I knew we would be gone for awhile so I had to pack and make other phone calls. But Eric wouldn't leave my side and we didn't know exactly what it was and hadn't told him cancer yet so I couldn't talk! Then Cathy got there. Oh my gosh, I don't know to this day what I would have done without her! Eric loves Miss Cathy and I honestly think she was the only one that could take his mind off what was happening. Then the phone started to ring. First it was Pastor Steve and he was with his wife and parents having supper and they all prayed for us right then. Next Rich (the elder) called and he and his wife Cheryl prayed the most annointed prayer. Then Sue, our missionary to Romania called. The next thing that happend was God. I was in our closet and Eric came in and took my hand and said "Mom, I'm ok now." He had a peace over him I've never seen before. He said, "it's ok mom, we can go now and I'm ok with it". It was proof to me God's people were praying and we were seeing the fruit of it in our son. So we packed, gathered up insurance information took off. Eric fell asleep almost immediately giving Doug and I a chance to talk. We both agreed God was in control and we are trusting Him completely. We called his parents and many other people asking for their prayers. We stopped in Conway and ate and took the wrong exit once we got to L.R. That was the last time that happend. Now we go on auto-pilot! It takes about 3- 3 1/2 hours from our house depending on traffic and construction so we got there about 945pm. They had us as a direct admit but we had one minor glitch. When Eric was a year old we had taken him to children's for tests as he had an eye condition in his left eye. (later diagnosed as optic nerve hypoplasia, no vision in his left eye) Well his name in their system was still under his name we adopted him under in Guatemala. In order to change it they needed a copy of his adoption papers. That one I didn't think of! Oh well, Grandma was coming down in a couple of days and she could bring them. A nice man checked us in and escorted us to the elevators giving us the 10 cent tour on the way. He got to the elevators and said, "You'll be on 3-Gold". We looked and the directory which said Hematology/Oncology/Blood Diseases/Cancer. Have you ever felt like you've been kicked in the stomach but haven't? That's how if felt. He took us up and some nice nurses began asking us all the questions, symptoms he was having, etc. Then an intern came in and did the same. I repeated myself probably 8 times. Then we went down for another chest x-ray and back up to the room where they needed to start an IV. That's when it started going down hill again. I got on the bed with Eric and put him in my lap. They couldn't get an IV started for anything. We sang Jesus loves me and other songs I don't remember and finally after about the 5th try they got it. Thank God! Doug was sitting in the chair with his head down crying too. He can't stand blood anyway and they were hurting his son and there was nothing he could do about it. What a helpless feeling for a father. They put an arm board under Eric's arm so he wouldn't accidentally pull out the needle and we all got jammies on. I climbed in in bed with Eric and one of the chairs made in to a single bed so Doug slept in it. (2 days later a night nurse brought another chair/bed in and said there were supposed to be 2 of them in the room.......why that wasn't taken care of sooner? I don't remember her name but Thank God for her.) Needless to say none of us got much sleep, me in Eric's bed trying to sleep but also making sure he didn't roll over on the tubes. By the time we shut the lights off it was around 3am. The journey had just begun.

I'm kind of wordy but things keep coming back to me. When Eric grows up I want to see how he remembers it. All you who prayed, this is what was happening. Thanks again for your prayers. They worked! Have a great day tomorrow............................